Children and Divorce and the Do’s and Don’ts of Single Parenting after Divorce

Being a Single Mother after Divorce Won’t Ruin your Children - but Keep a Good Dad Involved

Children and divorce statistics are often manipulated for federal funding with figures from musty decades old studies.  Following recent studies on children and divorce will give a more accurate picture of the true risks of being a single parent after divorce. 

Children and divorce will not plummet you into poverty and devastation after divorce if you make the national median wage, have a college education, or have a halfway decent full-time job.  Even a low-income single mother can find support through single mother support groups and single mother programs. 

Children and divorce studies and studies on single parenting often rely on old statistics to formulate a hypothesis on the effects of poverty, single women and children and divorce.  These statistics arose during the turmoil of welfare reform.  The term “parents” includes teenage parents, who are likely to be a single mother by choice, even with the disadvantages of being a single teen mother.  Tragic statistics produce increased government funding.

Studies on children and divorce show children and divorce situations after divorce can be just as healthy for children as a marriage.  Stability and single mother support matter.

Stable Men & Stable Environment for Healthy Children and Divorce Outcomes

In 2008 US and UK data reported children with active fathers fare better than children without active fathers.  But the report did state “it is not possible to tell whether this is because the father figure is more involved, or whether the mother is able to be a better parent if she has more support at home.”   Shortly after, the American Sociological Association reported their unexpected findings – that “family type has a less than expected impact on parental involvement.” 

The Journal of Marriage and Family studied children born to single mothers and found that “social” fathers were more engaged in parenting and social care than biological fathers.  The Journal of Marriage and Family also published a study in 2008 that followed children from divorced families from 1988 to 2000. Children were 26 at the end.   The children given a stable environment after divorce, either with a single mother or a remarried or a cohabitating couple, fared just as well as the children from married non-divorced couples.  A 2007 study published in Family Relations compared parenting ability during marriage and after divorce, and found there was no difference. 

What a Mother Can Do to Help Children and Divorce and Father Relationships

Marital status will not determine if a father will be involved with a child.  A single mother by choice in the midst of a single mother pregnancy needs to get the unmarried father involved at the time of pregnancy.  A 2008 Journal of Marriage and Family report indicated fathers involved at pregnancy will be more likely to be involved with the child.  Marriage was not a predicator, but involvement during pregnancy was.

For healthy children and minimal behavioral problems, children and divorce arguments don’t mix.  In the do’s and don’ts for a single mother, arguing in front of the children is a strong don’t.  Behavioral problems in school exist not so much because of the divorce, but because of the visible arguing of parents, according to a 2008 University of Notre Dame study.  New studies are being published indicating that genes and hormones also affect children’s behavior.

Children and divorce outcomes depend on stability.  An educated mother can provide stability after children and divorce. A healthy divorce will produce healthier children than a miserable marriage.  When you exercise your single mother rights during divorce, take into consideration the positive effect of a father when determining visitation rights.  Both the single mother and father want a children and divorce settlement that is best for their children.  Do what’s best for the children, and the children will thrive. 

Children and Divorce Resources:

Child Custody Information
Talking to your Children about Divorce
Divorce Advice and Support